5 reaseons not to tell Kaylee you're sly
by Killer Ladybug
Summary: 5 reasons not to tell Kaylee you're sly. Mostly humor and some plot. Warning! SLASH! don't like don't read!SimonXMal


5 Reason Not to Tell Kaylee You're Sly.

(I own nothing.)

She'll cry.

"I knew it!" And then cry even harder from laughing.

She'll ask too many questions, too many embarrassing questions.

"When did you first know? Who was your first kiss? Top or bottom? What did your family think? What does River think?"

She'll make you go with her on planet trips and ask more questions.

Kaylee was trying on a dress while I was sitting in a chair waiting for her to come out and planning my revenge on Jayne for telling Kaylee where I was hiding.

"Hey, what do you think that guy hotness level is? I think he's a 4 what do you think Simon?" My face went red and wished for the hundredth time that I could sneak away. But the fact that Kaylee had somehow low jacked me squashed that hope. "Do you think he's sly? He looks sly." I moved out of the line of sight from the window. "Simon? Simon why are you hiding behind that bush? Never mind. How does this dress look on me?" I groaned moving out from behind my hiding place.

She'll tell Inara.

"I'm not surprised." Inara said nodding. They were sitting at the kitchen table waiting for the rest of the crew to get back from the drop. They had taken a shuttle instead of landing Serenity.

"Well, I was. I mean you can't tell just by looking at them. Which what makes it really hard…" Kaylee said shaking her head, sighing.

"Makes what really hard Meimei?" Inara tilted her head to the side looking confused.

"I'm looking for a bow for him." Inara tilted her head to the other side and nodding again.

"I'll help. I mean he works to hard and doesn't take enough time for himself." They were beginning to look like bobble heads.

"I'm sitting right here and I can hear you!" I snapped.

"See too much stress isn't good for him. He needs a boyfriend." They nodded again in agreement; groaning, I thunked my head on the table and wished that Mal and the rest would hurry up and get back.

(And the worst.) She'll try to set you up with the Captain. And convince Inara to help.

"No."

"Come on you to make a cute couple!" Kaylee whined.

"May be, but you're forgetting the fact that the Captain is straighter than anything in the bloody 'virse!" I saw Kaylee's puppy eyes coming and groaned. "Alright fine but leave me out of it. Got it?" Kaylee nodded.

"You won't know what hit you and don't worry Inara and I have a plan all figured out!" And with that she swept out of the infirmary to begin wreaking havoc. I have a bad feeling about how this is going to end. I turned back to the medicine that I was mixing. I jumped as two arms wrapped around my middle pulling me against the person behind me.

"Mal what are you doing?" I felt his lips on my neck.

"I think what we should be asking is what is Kaylee doing? Why didn't you just tell her?"

"I wanted to ask you first, I mean you're the one who wanted to keep it a secret."

"Yes, I'm aware of that but I'm also aware just how dangerous Kaylee can be when she plays matchmaker." Mal shuddered at the memory of last time she spotted potential victims.

"Well if she starts to get out of hand we'll just tell her the truth."

"She'll be mad that we didn't tell her."

"That's why I'm going to tell her it was all your idea."

"Gee thanks." Mal laughed. "Remind me, why was I told you I fell for you, again?" I grinned.

"I think it was the truth serum that I had to use last time you got shot because someone didn't buy me any pain killers."

"Ah yes now I remember. I don't remember you complaining though." I turned in his arms to look at him.

"Well you were! Loudly!"

"Well excuse me but getting shot hurts, though I have the strangest feeling that I should thank him for shooting me." I laughed at the puzzled look on Mal's face.

"And why is that?"

"If he hadn't shot me you never would have given me that damn truth serum."

"You sure about that?" I grinned, Mal arched an eyebrow.

"You are devious."

"Well that's why you love me."

"Oh so that's the reason." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, only to jump apart at the scream coming from down the hall.

"I knew it!"


End file.
